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Fake Day

Demon scientists claim that the Earth is over four billion years old, but good fundamentalist, charismatic, evangelical, born-again conservative tea party Christians know better. The earth is only 6 to 10,000 years old from the day God rested, or more precisely, the day before God rested. The Earth was done on Saturday and He (and God is a man. We all know that) took Sunday off, so technically, the Earth was done on Saturday. He probably worked overtime Saturday night to fine-tune His creation, cancelling His dinner plans. He certainly was tired of eating alone and wanted to start creating Adam and Eve on Monday so he could toy with their intellect and then punish them when they challenged him. I’m certain that by Wednesday God regretted giving them free will, but it’s hard to say. It’s clear that God has a dark sense of humor. Devils in lab coats are trying to blame God’s people for global warming. Ignore them. Satan has stolen their souls to do evil in the world and that evil is called science. Follow the Bible to the letter, every word is sacred and is God’s law, except for that weird stuff in Leviticus. Enjoy Earth Day, such as it is, even though it’s a plot by secularist witches, sorcerers and liberals to turn your attention away from God.

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