The Dope On Doping

What would happen if there were no rules in sports about performance enhancing drugs? Sure, a few athletes might die of various maladies––strokes, enlarged heart, brittle bones––but think of the records that would fall. Think of the trophies that would line the walls of the athlete’s palatial home. Why, they’d need to add maybe two or three more rooms to their house.

Modern sports is about winning, not coming in second or third. What is bronze good for? Daggers, swords and spearheads mostly back in the good ol’ days called the Bronze Age. And silver? Jewelry and coins mostly, but it has to be alloyed with copper to be practical. And gold, the metal that causes panic in the streets and minor-celebrity hucksters on TV selling it like it was a reverse mortgage. No, if they want to make winning reflect the reality of today, they should award medals made of titanium. That’s what the artificial joints are made of that have to be installed in the athletes who use PEDs. That way, it comes back around full circle. It would be––what’s the word?––elegant.